From The Confines Of Propriety
by potcmf4jc
Summary: Tiannas now broken away from everything she knows to live the life that she's always dreamt of. Who and what will she face in the years to come, and will she ever find the father who deserted her? Up for editing. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Ch

The dreams where becoming more and more vivid, each time more intense, as if everything I was seeing was real, as if I where living inside them.

Each morning I would awake feeling more desperate, my desire for freedom mounted each day. My dreams at night made the day tolerable, but a constant longing to return to them held a constant place in the forefront of my mind.

I always awoke with a start, disappointed that I had come back to the scorching reality of my pitiful life. Waking up always left me feeling empty. My life seemed so utterly pointless compared to that which I lived in my dreams. At night I allowed my thoughts to creep into the corners of my mind that where never to be opened during the day. Those that I knew others would deem insidiously improper.

I dreaded what others thought of me, feared knowing what they would think should someone see who I truly was. Deep down in my soul there was a girl waiting to be set free, fighting constantly against the current in the endless struggle of propriety. I lived in a world that had been created for me, by those who had great influence in the world I lived in, someone like my mother.

Lady Theresa was one of those women who believed she held everyone's best interests deep in her own heart. She was the one to subtly orchestrate ones life in such a way that no one would ever suspect her presence. So sly her my ways that to know the truth would astound the whole of her audience. Tianna's life was in her mothers' hands, and hers alone. So carefully had she been groomed since the day of her birth, that any thoughts that may stray ever so slightly from those she was taught to think, they would be deemed treasonous. To Lady Theresa any improper thought was treacherous, a slip of the tongue could be the end to any hope of an advantageous marriage. So finely groomed one's mind must be, there was only one ideology that was allowed to rule in the minds of those who entered into the intriguing world of Lady Theresa.

Ch

For seventeen long years I had been held captive by this world, and only in the past few months had I come to the utter realization that the life I had been lead to live was utterly absurd. It seemed to me so far from the reaches of any pleasurable form of lifestyle that it could not in any way be a life at all. So governed was it by the rules of propriety that I could no longer see myself continuing on in such a repressed state of existence. And so, at night I freed my mind to seek out and pursue any notion of what a life of release would entail. To belong to no one, to find a rootless existence so appealing that one could not bear to deny it. That was what I wanted most in life. I cared nothing for the self-gratification or that continuous desire to maintain a "holier-than-thou" air about oneself. It repulsed me to the point where even the thought of it caused me to become nauseous.

And yet I somehow endured this life everyday. Under the scrutinous eyes of onlookers I relented to the will of my mother, I somehow felt an overbearing sense of duty to her, one that I feared would remain unbroken. I found myself trembling at the prospect of allowing time to reduce my will and desire to transform my life into something meaningful into nothing more than a passing fancy. An idea to be pondered briefly and then dismissed, as if it had never held a place in my heart as something to act upon. To act as though the desire never existed. This is what I thought to be treasonous.

With no reasonable means of release I allowed myself daily to be paraded about. With all the decorum I could muster I would amuse courtiers and gentlemen alike. All in the name of propriety. I would allow myself to be laced into a corset so insidiously tight, that there where times when I passed out in earnest and not just to impress those observing me.

On a reasonably regular basis mother would take me out and show me to the world. She had taught me to believe that I was better than the common people that were so crucial to our style of living and she often delighted in flaunting me _her_ position by taking _me_ out. I felt that she did it to remind me that I was supposed to be better than everyone else, and she never once missed the opportunity to show me exactly what she wanted me to be.

These outings were not always miserable though. I often enjoyed being among the common people and wished ever more deeply to be like them. On many occasions mother and I would go into town to indulge in some shopping. We would spend money frivolously on small trinkets, jewels and fine fabrics. By the time I turned fourteen mother would often allow me to go out on my own and I'd use these rare outings to immerse myself in a far simpler life. On one outing I met a young lad by the name of Jonathan Parker. He was the son of a merchant whose fine fabrics I often purchased and I met him not so much by chance but of my own accord. I had noticed the young man in the back of the store and seeking an interest in him I deliberately purchased far more fabric than I could carry. After paying and packaging up my bundles and making a sorry attempt to carry it out myself the clerk summoned up young Mr. Parker to help me out with my purchases. After loading everything into my carriage he helped me in and kissed my hand as finely as any well-groomed gentleman ever had. I smiled and thanked him kindly. He turned to go but I beckoned to him to come back to the carriage.

"Please call on me sometime soon. I should be sore if I never see you again." I pulled a pencil and a small piece of paper from my purse and wrote my address on it handing it to him curtly. He took it smiling and replied,

"I needn't take this miss. I know where you live."

"You do?" I asked somewhat unsure of what he was implying.

"Of course, that is I know who you are. The whole town knows. You live in the mansion up on the hill, with your mother."

"Well then, you have no reason not to call. But do not venture to say you know me." I said choking slightly. I was so glad mother wasn't there to catch me being human, she'd have scolded me indefinitely.

"I shall call without a doubt miss." With a smile and a nod I replied and he closed the door. I felt as I never had before and was certain that I had made a friend. But mother could never find out that I associated with him.

He called some days later claiming to have a package for me. The package was taken and he was turned away by the doorman, but as luck would have it I was passing through the hall and called him in to tea. We talked as though we had known each other for a lifetime and as though the gap between our stations did not exist. I was sorry to see him leave but he assured me we would meet again.

We began seeing each other more and more often and in time began going on small adventures of our own. We spent much time down near the shores exploring coves and inlets that no one else knew about. We'd picnic in these caves, wishing and dreaming that we could run away together and never need to go back to the town. My favorite memories were of when we went swimming. One afternoon always stands out in my mind though. Johnathan and I had known each other for several years, and we were both at that time in our lives when love and marriage captivated our minds. I'd slipped off all my skirts and my bodice and, standing on the beach reaching around myself, stumbling around like a madman, I tried to untie the knot in the laces of my corset. Johnathan sat on the sand wearing only his trousers, laughing for a moment, then standing up he'd come up behind me and undo my laces. I always loved the feeling when my corset loosened off. I could breathe again. I felt his fingertips brushing the small of my back as he continued to unlace me. My corset finally slid to my feet. I smiled and breathed deeply looking out over the endless expanse of ocean before me. Johnathan was resting his chin on my shoulder, his arms were wrapped around my waist. I lifted my arms and slid my hands around his neck. We both stared out at the ocean for a long time, listening to it's ethereal calm and admiring it's endlessness. Johnathan broke the silence.

"Tianna," He whispered softly in my ear.

"I love you." I melted, my legs giving out, his strong arms around my waist the only thing holding me up. I tilted my head up and whispered in his ear.

"I love you too," I slid out of his arms and grabbed him by the hand.

"Come on!" I giggled as I led him down to the water's edge. I let go of his hand.

"I'll race you." He followed willingly and we both splashed into the crystal sea. We swam around and splashed each other, laughing hysterically, swallowing more seawater than we had both thought humanly possible. We go out only after we had lost feeling in our legs, and stumbling numbly up on shore we collapsed on the warm sandy beach. My chemise clung to every curve on my body, and I knew it, but I didn't care. We laid there like washed up fish, drying out under the hot sun. I closed my eyes and soaked in the warmth. I heard Johnathan roll over onto his side to face me. He was still for a couple of moments. I could feel his eyes wandering across my body. He laid back down, and after pausing for a moment he spoke up.

"Your waist," He paused,

"does it always stay like that?" I giggled under my breath. I rolled over, resting on my side, and opened my eyes.

"I can't remember a time when it wasn't like this." He rolled back onto his side to face me and softly placed his hand on the narrowest part of my waist.

"Oh, I always thought that when you take off your corset your body just goes back to it's normal shape." I smiled, what conversations we had. And about the most inappropriate things too. I couldn't think of one thing we'd done that day that hadn't been inappropriate though. He slid his hand further around my waist and pulled me closer to him. We both rolled onto our backs again, my cheek resting against his bare chest.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." He sighed.

"Me too. Me too." We laid there holding each other until the sun had baked us dry. The sun began creeping towards the horizon.

"We should go." I said reluctantly. We both got up slowly. I picked up my corset from where I had left it sitting on the sand and struggled again to lace myself back up.

"Here, let me." Johnathan said quietly. I felt the constraint of propriety tightening around me once again, and found myself wanting to tear it off. I took hold of my emotions though as Johnathan pulled the laces ever tighter. My waist thinned and cleavage swelled once again.

"This is ridiculous.!" I muttered.

"No, this is a corset." Johnathan replied. He always knew how to brighten my mood. He started tugging tighter and I could feel that he was having a hard time of it.

"How on earth!" He mumbled frustratedly.

"It's a lot easier when I have a bedpost to hang on to."

"Well there aren't any bedposts out here are there?"

"No…" I replied looking around for something to hold on to. There were trees on the bluff above us, but we couldn't risk being seen.

"Ah! I've got it!" I cried.

"I'm going to lay down on my stomach and you can stand over me and pull!"

"No, your right. This is ridiculous!" He replied as I laid down.

"I told you so." We both laughed. What a scene we must have been too. He finally got the laces tightened up properly and I got up.

"Thank-you." I replied in my most ladylike tone. We both burst out laughing. We eventually calmed ourselves down and continued dressing. I trudged over to my pile of skirts and started putting them back on, as Johnathan slipped into his billowy burgundy linen shirt. He stared at me incredulously.

"I could not imagine wearing so many layers at one time."

"Well I should certainly hope not." I made the most ridiculous looking face as I imagined him in petticoats. I tried to hold in my laughter, but there was just no stopping it.

"What?" He looked at me dumbly.

"What?"

"You! In petticoats!" We both burst out laughing again, and continued laughing until I could no longer breathe.

"Come on. We need to get going." I said finally. I slipped on my final skirt and hooked my bodice closed, bathed in the warm orange glow of the sunset. We walked back to town, holding hands as far as we dared.

Each time we parted he would kiss my hand finely, leaving me to wish he had been born of some suitable rank. Our secret affairs continued on and though I suspect gossip traveled mother never once scolded me for associating with him. Perhaps she saw it as an act of charity, perhaps not, but the answer has ever eluded me, and I must say that I remained content regardless.

Jonathan remained my only friend and confidant for many trying years. He knew of my dreams and my desire to leave the captivity I lived in. He made promises I knew he could never keep, but it was a comfort to know that he wished to help me as much as I wanted to help myself. Though he never helped me In the ways he had promised, he invested in my life, and took the time to learn who I really was, and that was more than I had ever expected anyone to do for me.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2

It had been a long painful day, and it held up to every aspect of the word painful too. I'd spent much of the daylight hours wooing and impressing a long line of pathetic suitors. My corset had been laced ridiculously tight and I was left unable to breathe and I could do naught but fan myself. I'd fainted twice. Perhaps it was because I honestly could not breathe, or perhaps it was out of habit. My mother had once taught me that fainting would impress suitors, because it made me look "delicate" as she had put it. I thought the notion ridiculous, but still did it on occasion in an ongoing attempt to please her.

I let out an enormous sigh of relief after the doors had closed behind the last of my days requirements. I could get changed now. I passed through the oak doors from the sitting room, entering into the hallway, and headed up the grand staircase. I stepped into my room and closed the door behind me, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I stopped and turned. Staring at the mirror I was thoroughly sickened by what I saw. What had I let myself become? This wasn't who I was. I felt ashamed of myself and cast my eyes downward, but a flicker of light caught the pearl around my neck and drew my gaze back to my reflection. I thought of everything that necklace represented and felt a sudden urge to tear it off. That single pearl hanging on that chain epitomized everything the life my mother had created for me.

It had grown from something small, had been agitated into something that others found beautiful, then strung on something so fragile. I felt like the oyster that had produced this pearl. Everything it had taken to produce what I was hadn't been worth the outcome, and now everything in my life was held by the fragile thread of propriety. I broke down and allowed my angry tears to burn down the side of my face, revealing who I really was. I snatched a towel from my dressing table and wiped all the rouge from my lips. Then I carefully wiped all the powder from my "That's better." I thought, still looking in the mirror. I smiled slightly seeing the true color of my face. Jonathan would have been proud. I walked over to the window and gazed out upon a scene filled by those whom I envied. Commoners and wretches alike. I scanned the town that lay beneath me seeing a whole world of people I could not openly associate with, till my gaze became fixed upon the bustling of crews making ready for voyages to far off places. They where simple men, dirtied by an honest day of hard work, and wearied by their labors. Yes, perhaps their lives where full of hardship, they may have lived a meager life. But they had earned every penny and every possession. Their wives and children where not lavished with expensive baubles, and though the desire for such a possession may have existed it did not overtake them. They where simple. They lead a satisfying life and knew what hardship meant. Their desires where not so provincial as those of my mother, their lives meant more than trinkets and finery.

My eyes wandered again until I found the roof of Jonathans shop and home. I thought of him often, of the promises we had made to each other to run away together. The thought of him always brought a smile to my lips as I imagined living my life with him, away from here.

I knelt down beside he window, closing my eyes and drinking in the sense of warmth which the sunset bathed me in, and lavishing in the sense of calm that filled my body, all the while gently rolling the pearl in my fingertips. I closed my eyes and began to let my mind wander away from Jonathan. The glow of the sunset seeped through my eyelids and filled my mind. I could see myself on one of those ships. Rocking gently over the rolling waves beneath my feet, sailing into the sunset, my hair and dress fluttering slightly in the wind. I could sense the town behind my but I never looked back.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 3

A rude knock at the door broke my bliss. I looked down at the necklace, now entwined in my fingers. I tugged slightly and let it come free from my neck. Holding it in front of me I smiled. I'd just broken everything that held me back. The necklace that had moments ago symbolized my past, now symbolized my future. I looked up and answered my mother calling at the bedroom door. "Dinner's ready darling."

"I'll be down in a moment." I replied as I listened to my mothers'footsteps fade away down the hall. I closed my eyes once again and savored the moment. I took one last glance at the harbor and Jonathans home, then tucked the broken necklace in the front of my bodice and went to have dinner.

I was famished and as I neared the dining room the smell lingering in the air teased my senses. My mother looked up at me as I stepped into the dining room.

"Why you've not even changed." She said bewilderedly as I took a seat. Again I'd failed to live her way. She always changed before we ate and tonight I hadn't done what she had taught me to.

"Is there something troubling you?" I shook my head.

"No I'm quite fine." I lied in a thoroughly convincing tone.

The usual nightly feast lay before me as it always had. I surveyed the assortment before me, finally settling on the roast duck, potatoes, and collard greens. I placed a proper amount on my plate and then poured myself a glass of wine. We sat and ate silently for some time, then my mother spoke.

"Might I be so unfortunate as to be forced to ask you of your thoughts on today?" I looked up. If there were one topic I did not wish to discuss, I could count on mother to bring it up. She could always be counted upon to ruin a mood, and she had done it once again.

"Lord Berkam seemed very agreeable." I lied. The pompous aristocrat had made me sick to my stomach, flashing around his wealth and eligibility. My mother smiled and cheerfully added,

"And a very suitable match to be sure. His estate is most impressive. And five thousand pounds a year. It would be so very proper for you to marry him you know. And a more comfortable wife I could not imagine. Should you like for me to arrange another meeting?" I looked at her and smiled meekly but did not answer. I could not believe that my mother could be so blind, so utterly oblivious to my true feelings. I thought angrily of all my mothers shortcomings, of how I had failed to receive that love so desired by a child. How I had managed to come thus far without receiving what every child required emotionally, to have been so starved for affection, it baffled me. We finished our meal in silence, that gap between mother and daughter ever widening.

I returned to my room, completely exhausted, emotionally drained by my mothers oblivity. I didn't even bother to change into my nightgown, I simply laid down on my bed and stared out my window. The movement of those at the docks made me all the more tired, and so I dozed off into a most pleasant slumber.

The thoughts in my mind began to surge like the waves in the distance. My imagination swelled in and lingered with my thoughts. I began to see myself as I had been earlier that day. Putting on a ridiculous display to please my mother. Had I been awake I suppose I would have shuddered. Then the scene changed, I saw myself angrily looking at my image in the mirror, wiping off all of the powder and rouge from my face. I felt Jonathan smiling behind me, proud that I had come to my senses. The scene changed once again and I found myself kneeling at the ledge of my window. I realized how serene I had looked and felt. Then all that I saw focused on my fingers as they toyed with the pearl necklace. I remembered the day my father had given it to me.

"Close your eyes darling, I have a gift for you" I shut my eyes tight and twitched my fingers in anticipation. He brushed my fiery red hair to one should and I felt the cool gold chain slip around my neck, my fathers worn fingers never once fumbling with the clasp.

"Open your eyes." I didn't even have to see the necklace to know that it was beautiful. I hugged my father tightly and he hugged back. He kissed me gently on the forehead.

"You're beautiful darling. Go, look in the mirror." I stepped back.

"I love you daddy."

"I love you too sweetheart" I turned to face my image in the mirror, and saw how lustrous the simple pearl was. I became entranced as I rolled it between my fingers. I stood there admiring it for the longest time. When I turned my father was gone. I hadn't seen him since.

In time word passed around that he had sailed off to some faraway country and become a rumrunner others claimed he had gone and died. I had refused to believe it, but the longer he was gone the more I thought he was dead. I reasoned with myself that if he were still alive he would have at least written.

In his absence I consoled myself by reasoning that he had gone out to live the life that I couldn't.

My dream broke into a new scene. I saw myself running frantically through Port Royal towards the docks, my eyes welled up with tears that broke on my dress as I ran. I heard my footsteps falling on the stone and as the sound changed to my feet falling on wood I could see the forest ships in front of me. I came to the end of the dock and found myself with a decision to make. I looked around wildly then fell to my knees. I awoke with a start.

My dream had felt so real. I sat up and lit the candle next to my bed, then looked around. I felt comforted to see that I was safe in my bed. Then an eerie sense came over me. Something compelled me to leave this house. I got up off the bed and slipped on a pair of shoes, then blew out the candle. Silently I slipped out my room into the hallway. The entire house seemed dead. Everyone was sleeping and the absence of light enveloped me. I groped my way down the hall until I found the stairs, and began to descend. With a strange fear in my heart I tried ever so carefully to remember where the steps didn't creak. As if by some miracle I managed to silently make my way down the stairs. I reached the back door only to find it locked. Somehow I found the key on the molding around the doorframe. My hand shook as I tried to get the key into the lock, but it acquiesced and found its place. I turned the key slowly hoping the lock would loose itself silently. It clanked free with a loud click and I froze. I stood still for what seemed like an eternity, just waiting to be found out. No one came and I made my way through the door in a triumphant fear, then continued on into the garden. Relieved I allowed myself to breathe once again.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch 4

I wandered around grazing the petals of flowers with my fingertips and thinking of the events of my life. I lay down beneath a willow tree and gazed up at the stars. Looking at them I found myself sensing how vast and endless the world was. I felt so tiny, and so utterly out of place. I sat up and looked at the mansion then back at the stars. I began to sob silently thinking of the prison I'd allowed myself to be held in. I turned to face the mansion as I pulled the pearl necklace out of my bodice. I held onto it, studying it, the mansion only a blur in the background. Then I turned and looked back at the velvet black sky still holding up the necklace, contemplating my future. I'd broken the chain of the necklace and now I could break the chains that held me in this prison. Or I could stay, the choice was mine now. I rolled onto my side, turning my back to the mansion and wept. I could not grasp the device so needed to decide my own fate. I had thought so long of leaving and now when the opportunity presented itself I could do naught but weep.

The wind began to stir and the sky filled with heavy clouds, reflecting the mood of Tianna's heart.

I had been asleep for near of an hour when the clouds opened up and released their contents. The pouring rain doused me and I awoke sopping wet to the black of the night. I quickly remembered why I presently found myself outside and now forced to myself to make my choice. I could take the easy road and run into the mansion and return to sleep, warm and dry in my bed, or I could leave this life behind and live the life that I had only dreamed of. I didn't need maids waiting on my every qualm. I was so full of an overwhelming sense of a need for independence that to stay would have been an act of suicide.

A window in the mansion began to glow and an outline of a figure appeared. I knew it was my mother. Somehow she always knew when I was being improper. Her sixth sense would tell her. I watched my mothers shape turn and wrap herself in a shawl and leave the room. I knew that she was coming outside to scold me, and knowing that forced me to come to a solid decision. I wasn't going to be yelled at by my mother anymore.

I stood up and grasping the necklace in my hand I began to run. My legs carried me swiftly down the hill away from the mansion. My sobbing and the sound of my feet falling on the rainsoaked ground drowned out the sound of my mother yelling after me. I wasn't listening, only running. I didn't know where I was headed, I only knew that I was leaving this place.

I now found myself living my dream. I screamed angrily into the air at my mother, letting all of the anger I had held inside for so long burst forth. I darted down the hill, winding through the dark streets of Port Royal, towards the docks, the forest of masts my only guide as to the direction I had to go. I could hardly see through the haze of tears in my eyes. I continued to scream to the heavens. I didn't care if I woke everyone. I was sick and tired of being proper. It didn't matter to me anymore. I realized that I was finally living my dreams, but I also realized that I was living only half of the dream that Johnathan and I had. But I knew now that there wasn't time for me to leave with him. I would have to go on my own, and he would have to follow later. Circumstances guided my present decision and I acted accordingly.

I tripped several times ripping the fine taffeta of my dress, the delicate French lace soaked with mud but I didn't care. My necklace was the only possession that meant anything to me anymore. I ran all the way to the end of the docks, nearly falling into the ocean. I looked around frantically, searching for somewhere to go. There where ships everywhere, and cargo waiting to be loaded. It would be easy for me to climb into one of the trunks. An overwhelming fear gripped me though and I couldn't bring myself to climb in. I sank to the ground. Wiping the tears from my eyes I tried to calm myself. I turned and looked back up the hill towards the mansion. Every window in the house was filled with light. I knew my mother and her entire household would be looking for me soon. They where coming for me.

I had to get away from here. I surveyed my surroundings one last time, searching for some other place to hide, but the only refuge I could see was in the trunks and cargo that surrounded me. I fearfully said goodbye to the fresh air after the rain and climbed inside. I can't recall how long I sat inside that trunk, but it seemed and eternity. The cloth that was being transported in the trunk made for a softer stay, but soon enough every part of my body had cramped. I sat there just waiting for something to happen. I wiggled each toe until I could count it. And then I did it again. I dozed off within the first hour of my agonizing stay in the trunk.

The sun had risen some hours before I was woken as the trunk was hauled carelessly onto the ship. I savored a brief glance of the last sunlight I would see for some time, before taking my place in the cargo hold. I heard the voices of men and the hollow sounded thunking of other cargo being loaded into the hold. The seasickness overtook me immediately, but there was no possible room for me to wretch in this hole I had placed myself in. The ship tossed and rolled, the seasickness sending me into a near delirium. I should have been thankful for it, as it caused me to lose all sense of time.

I must have been on the edge of consciousness for some several hours, until a lurch of the ship jarred me from my piteous state. I later learned that the ship had taken sail, but in the moment the feeling only brought me to my conscious senses. I suddenly began to feel claustrophobic. Even in the utter darkness I could sense the air closing in around me. I began to bang on the lid of the chest, completely expecting it open freely. But it wouldn't budge. Not the slightest movement would be forced from that lid. I became frantic banging with as much force as I could muster in the space available. I screamed at the top of my lungs for as long as I could. But my strength lasted me only a short while, and I once again passed into an unconscious state.

I was tossed mercilessly for near of seven hours before I regained any sort of consciousness. Once again realizing my dire situation I continued on in my attempt to break free. This time my efforts where not in vain. Finally the tides had turned in my favor.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch 5

A cabin boy, by the name of Christopher Reid, had been sent to secure some of the cargo in the midst of my outcries. He heard me and after taking a moment to realize his present situation began to remove the cargo.

"I hear you!"he cried. On hearing this I broke into a sob and gave up banging. I knew I was going to live.

"Keep pounding!" His voice startled me but I once again resumed banging about.

"I'm in here!" I cried.

"Over here!" I kept calling until I could hear him right next to me, and could see the light of his lantern seeping through the cracks in the chest. I must have been a sorry sight indeed for when he finally broke open the chest he gasped. The lantern light burned my eyes and I quickly closed them. They remained open long enough though to allow me to see that my savior was no more than eighteen or nineteen years of age. I could feel him staring at me. I opened my eyes and looked up at him.

"Bloody hell." He said angrily upon realizing that he had in fact come upon a stowaway

"What on earth am I supposed to do with you? The captain don't take kindly to stowaways." I tried forcing myself to speak, but there was no sense in it. Not a sound would utter from my parched mouth. He saw my struggle and put a finger to my lips. In the past few hours I had begun to sense that I would never feel the touch of another human being again, and so I closed my eyes and savored the moment. I felt his finger leave my lips and I opened my eyes again.

"Ah hell, I can't just leave you here to die. Don't move. I'll be right back." I could do naught but lie there and watch him disappear into the darkness. I began to fear that he would never come back, despite his words, but he returned much to my relief. Somehow he wedged his arms into that chest and pulled me up into them. I screamed as my cramped legs spasmed. He shushed me, nearly dropping me in his fright.

"I don't want the Captain finding you just yet." I smiled meekly and tried to wrap my limp arms around his neck. He carried me over and around large amounts of cargo and then finally laid me onto a bed that he had made of, what I later learned to be, some spare sails. The pain was agonizing, but the freedom I now felt was exhilarating. Once I got past the pain I found I could freely wiggle my toes, and I did so, one by one. It was such a relief after the all that I had endured in the past several hours. Christopher left again, taking the lantern with him, leaving me once again in utter darkness. My fears had been mainly overcome, and there was little that I imagined myself unable to endure.

Many a man has found himself in some precarious situation or another because of a woman. He gallantly goes off to perform some heroic task. Perhaps one that would have been the death of him had it not been for some trial in which he had been forced to face his utmost fears. And when, coming to a point of complete self-confidence and seeing himself as invincible, he sets himself up for utter failure, most often in the eyes of those he most desires to impress.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch 6

The release from my former confines was welcomed and savored for what little time was given for it. The dank air of the hold slowly grasped hold of me and my plight would soon become a pitiful one. It would be only a short time until delirium once again overtook me. The constant slosh of the mire that covered the decking drew me into a lull. Time crept by. Then as if in a dream a light appeared before me in the hold. I reached my arm outward in a daze, trying to grasp at the light, fully expecting it to be something tangible. I heard the sounds of footsteps amid the slosh and groaning of the ship but saw only the light of the lantern. Then the foggy form of Christopher appeared before me. He was only a vague outline, I saw no detail around me, just obscure shapes. Christopher came nearer still and I began to see that he held something in his hand. He finally came and knelt down beside me. Feeling the warmth of the lantern and the comfort of no longer being alone I found strength inside myself to stay awake for him. He set down a bowl of broth next to me. "I suppose an introduction would be wise about now. I'm Christopher, I've been cabin boy on this ship no longer than you've been on it. And you would be?" I opened my mouth to speak but no words could be uttered from my parched lips. He noticed and quickly reached for a spoonful of the broth he had brought down. He tilted my head and allowed the broth to pour it into my mouth. It tasted of the sweetest nectar that had ever touched my lips but the moment I swallowed it a violent cough wracked my body. Seeing my distress Christopher placed the bowl out of the way and rolled me onto my side, his strong hand holding firmly onto my upper arm. I pulled my legs up toward my chest still being seized by the fit of coughing. I gasped several times before the fit finally subsided. He never left me and seemed to want to make things better. "I'll go fetch you some water. I never should have tried to give you broth." He said as he rose, still maintaining the composure he had never lost. He righted the blankets on top of me then grabbed the lantern and left leaving the bowl of broth behind. I shuddered once again in the darkness, still breathing heavily. The fit had drained every ounce of energy from my body and left me completely exhausted. I closed my eyes and relaxed my body.

I woke not moments later to Christopher's touch.

"I've brought you water." He said, holding up a skein. He grabbed another folded section of sail and, after helping me roll onto my back once again placed it behind my head so I was in somewhat of a sitting position.

"Shall we try this again?" he asked kindly. He placed his hand gently under my chin and allowed a drop of water into my mouth. I closed my eyes as the cold sweet dew cooled my burning throat. I opened my eyes again and spoke.

"I'm Tianna." came hoarsely from my lips. Christopher took my hand in his and kissed it gently, as a gentleman would do, and replied

"Pleased to make your acquaintance." I nearly fainted, though this time not so much from exhaustion but from the knowledge that someone truly cared about me. I forced a smile to my lips, and then uttered

"Water." He smiled back and, still holding my hand, picked the skin back up. He placed my hand back under the covers and once again tilted my chin and poured some water into my mouth. I relished its sweetness as it trickled down my throat.

"Shall we try the broth again?" he asked.

"Your body needs the nourishment."

"Yes." I whispered. He delicately fed me every drop of broth that was in the bowl.

"Thank you." I said, my voice slightly stronger now.

"You're welcome m'lady." He smiled meekly as he helped me lay back down. He then gathered what he had brought down and turned to leave.

"Wait!" I said. He turned to face me again.

"Don't worry. I'll be back when the next watch turns." At that he left the hold and returned to his duties, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

In an instant they turned to Jonathan. I wondered what he knew about my departure from Port Royal. Would he know that I was thinking of him or how badly I wished for him to be here beside me. I had to write and tell him I was alright. I didn't want him to worry. I knew he knew I was strong but to just up and leave without a word, what would he think ? I wanted him to know I was alright. But was I alright? I didn't know where I was headed, or what ship I was on. Not long ago delirium had almost led me into the hands of death and yet I wanted to tell Jonathan that I was fine. But I couldn't, not now, it would be a lie, and that was one thing I could never do to Johnathan.

Before sleep once again took my consciousness from me I resolved to ask Christopher what ship we were on and where we were heading. I wanted to tell Johnathan that at least. Then my mind could take no more thought and I drifted off once again.


	7. Chapter 7

Ch 7

Johnathan stood bellowing at his father.  
"Father I am going to find Tianna and that is that! I promised I would go with her and I am not one to break my word. Not you nor anybody else is going to keep me from searching for her!"

He had heard the ruckus in town the night before but had shrugged it off and gone back to sleep. He was used to hearing people in the streets at night, the shop was just down the street from a tavern and from his room above it he could see and hear everything, but now he was cursing himself for not checking things out. He could have gone and found Tianna before she had even left town. But now she had sailed off, like they promised they would, except she had left without him.

"Well you"re a fine specimen of a man. Your willing to chase after some rich pompous strumpet who's up and decided that she's better off without you, and your talking about being the one who's breaking promises! Ha!" His father just laughed. It infuriated Johnathan. Of all people. He had been in love once too. He'd married mother. Then she'd run off; similarly to how Tianna had. He realized that their paths weren't that different. Only separated by years. Johnathan thrashed back into his room and contemplated his situation. He had decided to find Tianna the moment he heard she had left but that was his only conclusion. He had no means of going about finding her really. There were ways, he knew, but which would be favorable he did not know. Valiance and bravery he had, but his unassurance would be the death of him. He finally packed up a few necessary goods and left them on his bed as he went around town inquiring. He wanted to know everything he could before he left in search of Tianna.


	8. Chapter 8

Ch 8

I awoke as a bell tolled the time and signaled a change of watch. Would Christopher come now? I wanted desperately to see him, and even more desperately to have a sip of water. My throat was parched and I frantically began looking around in the dark for something to drink, but there was nothing to be found within my feeble grasp. Then presently a hatch opened and I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I prayed that they were Christopher's.

When the steps died away again and Christopher did not come my thoughts drifted again. My delirious mind began terrorizing me and rational thought eluded me. What if someone other than Christopher found me? What would become of me? Christopher surely would tell someone, and it was certainly only a matter of time before I was found and deemed an illegal stowaway. I had heard stories of men and women alike and it made me cringe to think that I was risking the same fate as they had. I began to worry of what would become of me. What was my fate? My future would be entirely my own and relied heavily upon the choices I made. I realized suddenly that in making a wrong decision I could change my fate into something very different from what I wanted, and that realization frightened me greatly.

I heard steps coming towards me in the darkness and began to tremble. Would this be it? Would someone find me now and change my fate? I sat upright, shaking violently, beads of a cold sweat forming on my brow. A lantern showed that my fate would not change for the worse, not presently at least. Christopher stood at my side again and lowered me softly back down.

"Shhhh." He said calmly, taking my trembling hand in his.

"Quiet. You're alright. I'm here. Don't worry." He pulled a kerchief from his pants pocket and gently dabbed the sweat from my forehead. I trembled all the more violently and let out a parched scream, my mind still reeling in terror. He cupped the side of my face with his hand.

"Shhhh, shhhh. You're alright." He moved his hand from mine and stroked my other cheek softly.

"It's me Tianna, it's just me." I closed my eyes and calmed myself. I was fine. No one else was going to find me right now. I relaxed my body and went limp. Christopher probably thought I had passed away.

"Tianna. Tianna!" He said, fright growing in his voice. I opened my eyes and I heard him sigh in relief.

"Wat...water." I tried to utter, but only my lips moved. He turned quickly and pulled a skein from his waist.

"Here." He placed the tip to my lips and let the cool water trickle into my mouth. What sweetness.

"Thank you." I hoarsely replied politely in some lapse to my past, still acting a lady even in the midst of my circumstances. That was something else mother had taught me and I caught myself acting under her influence regularly, even in the absence of her presence.

"Your welcome, milady."

"Don't!." I replied harshly, with all the feeble strength I had.

"Please don't. I hate being called milady and miss, Just call me Tianna. That's my name, Tianna.."

"I"m sorry mi--, Tianna." He caught himself.

"I was taught to treat a lady with respect, and well frankly lifelong lecturing is hard to overcome." Someone who understood where I was coming from. They were so rare. I only knew three. My father, Christopher, and Johnathan. Johnathan! I had to write him. "I know. I'm sorry.. I know what you mean. It's precisely what I'm trying to overcome. It's what I had to get away from. That's why I'm here. Pitiful as I may be I am far better off away from everything I grew up with. Except..."

I turned my face away from Christopher pulling my hand so I could stroke my lips with the back of my thumbnail. It was one of my nervous habits and I only did it when I was thinking seriously or worriedly about something. Mother had scolded me so many times for doing it. I was trying to figure out how to ask Christopher to write such an intimate letter for me, but my weary mind wasn't thinking straight.

"Except what?" Christopher asked seconds later.

"Except for Johnathan." I said turning t face him again.

"Oh." I could hear the disappointment in his voice and saw it in his eyes.

"He was my only friend. But he was a secret. He doesn't know that I'm all right. He's probably worrying about me. What will he think? Will he just forget me he'll probably forget all about me!" I was in a frightened weary delusion again.

"Hey, hey, shhhh, shhhh,. You're alright." I felt him stroking my cheek but my eyes welled up with tears and he turned into only a blur beside me. I drifted off again into a fretful sleep and he returned to his duties back on deck.


End file.
